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Sometimes I wonder—would I do it? Nah, too short, too mouthy. I’d be like, “Pay me double, ya twat!” Prob get sacked. Escorts tho, they’re pros—smooth, clever, like Haku dodgin’ spells. “I’ve got a job to do,” they’d say, and off they go. Respect, man. Total respect.

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Finally, I find a corner, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s do this.” I’m prepping for a session with a young lad named Jamie. He’s a good kid, but he’s got the attention span of a goldfish. I’m talking to him about career paths, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. I’m getting frustrated, but then he says, “I wanna be a YouTuber.” I’m like, “Cool, but what about a backup plan?” He just shrugs. Kids these days, right?

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