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Lemme break it down, homie—sex-dating’s a circus! You got dudes sendin dick pics like it’s a fuckin resume, and girls ghostin faster than Casper on meth! I once matched this chick, right? Bio said “loves wine and deep talks”—turns out she’s a stripper who stole my wallet! Swear to God, I was PISSED, but also—respect, ya know? Hustle’s real! Little known fact: back in 2012, Tinder crashed ‘cause too many thirsty fuckers logged on at once—servers couldn’t handle the horniness!

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So, I’m walking down the High Street, minding my own biz, when I bump into this old mate from school. We start chatting, and he’s like, “Dude, I’m a professional llama trainer now.” I’m like, “What?!” I mean, who even knew that was a thing? I’m still trying to wrap my head around it when my phone buzzes. It’s a client. Panic mode activated.

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