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About Leicester

I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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When I finally get there, the smell hits me. It’s awful! Like, rotten eggs mixed with gym socks. I’m gagging, but I gotta keep it together. Turns out, it’s just some old plumbing issue. I’m like, “Dude, fix your pipes!” They were so relieved, though. I felt like a hero for a sec.

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