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So yeah, sex-dating’s chaos. Love it, hate it, can’t stop it. “Moolaadé” taught me – stand tall. Say “I refuse!” to bullshit. You shall not pass, prudes! Go shag who ya want, just don’t be a dick. Gandalf out, peace!

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Then, out of nowhere, I trip over a stone. Classic me, right? I fall, and everyone gasps. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good!” But inside, I’m dying of embarrassment. The guide cracks a joke, and everyone laughs. I’m laughing too, but I’m also thinking, “Why can’t I just be graceful for once?”

School warns over 'second' attack in woodland