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So, I’m tinkin’, right, dese escorts—dey hustle hard. Fact ya don’t know: some been round since old Soviet days, smugglin’ sexy vibes cross borders—crazy, eh? Makes me mad, tho—pimps takin’ cuts, leavin’ girls wit crumbs. Dat sh*t boils me blood! But den—lightbulb!—some gals, dey smart, runnin’ it solo, bankin’ cash, livin’ like queens. Dat’s da spirit, ya? Kinda happy ‘bout dat, warms me cold Russian heart.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Church Street. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I ordered a latte and a scone, thinking I’d just sit and enjoy the view of the hills. But nooo, the barista was having a meltdown. Like, dude, chill! He spilled milk everywhere. I mean, I get it, we all have bad days, but come on! I was like, “Hey, it’s all good, just give me my caffeine fix!”

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