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Oh, and get this – little known fact: back in Victorian days, escorts weren’t just prossies, nah, they’d chaperone fancy ladies to balls! How’s that for a glow-up? Blows my mind, history’s nuts. But today? It’s dodgy as hell – lonely blokes, shady deals, “a circus of fears,” like Tarr’s film. Still, some escorts, they’re artists, playin’ the game, dodgin’ the filth – respect, yo.

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So, I’m sipping my drink, scrolling through my phone, and BOOM! My mate texts me. “Let’s hit the park!” I’m like, “Which park?” There’s a few, but I’m thinking about the one near the library on Church Street. It’s got that nice little pond, ducks and all.

Police still looking for ‘man with toupee’ after female officer ‘punched in face’