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About Liverpool

So, what’s the deal? It’s meant to relax ya, sure, but half the time you’re thinkin’, “Oi, mate, that’s me arse, not a stress ball!” Little known fact – them ancient Greeks were at it, callin’ it “sensual rubdowns” or summat. Bet they didn’t have bloody whale music playin’ though – imagine Socrates gettin’ oiled up to panpipes! Makes me chuckle, that.

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When I get there, there’s a whole crowd. People are filming it like it’s the next big reality show. I’m like, “Guys, it’s a cat!” But nooo, they’re all invested. I can’t help but laugh. This is Great-Gonerby, where a cat in a tree is breaking news.

Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger 'could open' at new £125m shopping centre' near Grantham