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Sometimes it’s hilarious tho—dudes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a job interview! I’m cacklin’, “Bro, that ain’t a resume!” Or gals sayin’, “No weirdos,” then datin’ a guy who collects toenails—true story! Makes me snort jellyfish juice! But real talk, it’s tricky too—people lyin’, actin’ fake, leavin’ ya hangin’. Gets me down, like, “Why’s everyone a jerk?” Then I bounce back, ‘cause I’m SpongeBob, baby—optimism’s my jam!

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Next up, I’ve got this lad named Tom. He’s a bit cocky, thinks he’s the next Lewis Hamilton. We’re zooming down the B1256, and he’s revving the engine like it’s a race. I’m like, “Mate, chill! We’re not in a Fast & Furious movie!” But he’s not listening. Suddenly, he spots a speed camera. Panic mode activated! He slams the brakes again, and I’m like, “Dude, we’re gonna get rear-ended!”

Singer formerly of the Strictly band performs at music club in Dunmow