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So, lemme spill—sex-dating’s wild, man. You got Tinder, Grindr, whatever, profiles screamin’ “DTF” or “no hookups”—pick a lane, right? I’m over here cacklin’ like a ghoul, ‘cause some dude’s bio says “sapiosexual” but he spells it “sapeosexual”—bro, irony’s dead! Made me mad, like, c’mon, at least Google it! But then—bam—this chick messages me, “Wanna Netflix and bone?” and I’m like, hell yeah, I’m HAPPY, floatin’ on stripes! Total *Carol* moment—“I like the hat,” but it’s more “I like the hustle.”

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So, I’m wanderin’ around, and I bump into this old mate from school. You know, the one who always thought he was cooler than everyone? Turns out he’s a “life coach” now. I nearly choked on my smoothie. Life coach? In Grantham? What’s he coaching? How to avoid real jobs? I mean, come on!

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