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I ain’t slick, tho. I trip over a crack—13 typos in my step. “Hey, uh, you busy?” I mumble. She laughs, all raspy. “Busy for you, butcher boy?” Damn, she clocked me! Blood on my apron prolly gave it away. I’m happy, tho—she’s got jokes. Way better than the last time I tried this. Dude, that chick was ANGRY. Yelled at me for 10 minutes straight. “I ain’t no meat slab!” Fair, but chill, lady.

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After a few more rounds of driving, we finally hit the home stretch. I’m feeling proud, like a dad watching his kid score a goal. But then, we get stuck at a red light on the corner of La Porte Precinct. And wouldn’t you know it, the car next to us is blasting some awful pop song. I’m talking ear-splitting levels of cringe. I’m trying to keep my cool, but I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Is this a driving lesson or a karaoke night?” I joke. She giggles, and I’m like, “See? You’re getting the hang of it!”

Grangemouth's fate was sealed when Scotland voted No