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Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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We hit up the park on the corner of Ashburton Road. It’s a nice spot, loads of trees and stuff. I’m thinkin’, “If I were a dog, I’d totally be here.” And guess what? We find the little fella! He’s just chillin’ under a bench, like, “What’s all the fuss about?” The owner’s over the moon, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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