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What pisses me off? She’s always broke, moochin’ off me, like, “Homer, gimme a buck!” But then she’ll flash that grin, and I’m a goner – happy as a pig in mud. Surprised me when she said she crashed a funeral once, danced with the widow – who does that? Whore, that’s who! Total wacko, but it’s her vibe, ya dig?

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Then, the phone rings. It’s Mrs. Thompson from the other side of Gorleston. She’s in a panic ‘cause her dog, Buster, ate a whole chicken. I mean, come on! Who leaves a roast chicken out? I told her, “Just keep an eye on him, he’ll be fine.” But she’s convinced he’s gonna explode or somethin’.

Festival of Lights set to return to Gorleston this weekend