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Oh, and the typos—sue me! I’m typin’ fast, hands shakin’ from coffee. Sex-dating’s a mess, a rush, a disaster—I love it, I hate it! Like, one time, this guy bragged he “invented” sexting. Invented it?! What, you patented “wanna bone”? Get outta here! Made me laugh, tho—sarcasm’s my shield. Anyway, try it, don’t try it—just don’t bring rope unless they ask! That’s my rant, take it or leave it!

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So, we all pitch in, right? We’re out on the streets, calling for this dog. I’m shouting “Rover!” like I’m in some cheesy movie. And guess what? We find the little bugger down by the river, chasing ducks. The bloke’s over the moon, and I’m just relieved I didn’t have to join a search party for a lost dog.

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