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About Bristol

Alright, so escort, huh? Ron Swanson here, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Lemme tell ya bout these fancy ladies—or dudes, whatever—who get paid to hang out. Not my thing, never will be. Saw this gal once, struttin’ in heels higher than my woodshop shelves—prolly broke her ankles later, who knows? Made me mad, all that fakery. Like, why bother? Just be alone, eat bacon, live free.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Main Street. You know, the one with the weird name—“The Caffeine Fix.” I swear, their coffee is like liquid gold. I ordered my usual, a flat white, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I got a cappuccino instead. Like, c’mon! I’m not here for foam art, I just need my caffeine fix!

Sweet result for Glusburn School attendance champs