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So, I’m scrollin’, right? Tinder, Grindr, whatever—folks be huntin’ booty, no strings, no fuss. “I’m not human,” she says in the movie, all cold-like—hah! Half these profiles feel the same, mate. Ghostin’ ya after one “wyd?” Pisses me off! Wasted me charm on bots once—sent ‘em flirty “savvy?”s—nuthin’. Bloody machines! Little fact fer ya: back in ‘15, some app got busted fer fake profiles—millions o’ ‘em! Made me madder’n a kraken with a hangover.

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First off, I’m a document specialist, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with papers all day. Boring, I know. But today? Oh boy. I had to run to the Gloucester Archives on the other side of town. It’s like a maze in there, all those old documents and stuff. I swear, I got lost in the stacks. I’m wandering around, and I’m like, “Is this the 21st century or the 18th?”

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