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So, erotic-massage. It’s handsy stuff, right? Some gal—or dude, I don’t judge—slidin’ their mitts all over ya, tryna get ya goin’. Ain’t my thing. I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some stranger knead my back. But people love it! Freaks me out. Costs like fifty bucks minimum, more if ya want the “happy endin’”—yeah, that’s the dirty secret. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, them pervy emperors had slaves doin’ this crap, callin’ it “luxury.” Luxury my ass. I’d rather chop wood.

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I plop down on the couch, exhausted but happy. I think about my day. It was a rollercoaster, for sure. Gloucester, you’ve got my heart. Even with the chaos, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Gloucester Rugby confirm the signing of 'highly rated' number eight