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Another story—heard this from a guy at the lumberyard. His cousin met a chick on some sex-dating site, right? They hook up, all good, then she steals his damn TV. Walks out with it under her arm like it’s a purse! He’s too embarrassed to call the cops—imagine that report. “Yeah, officer, I banged her, now my flat-screen’s gone.” Hilarious, but pathetic. Sex-dating’s a gamble—might get laid, might get robbed. “What’s the point of all this?”—another *Anatolia* gem. Exactly. No point.

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After all that, I’m feelin’ a bit peckish. I wander over to Ashton Lane. It’s this cute cobbled street with pubs and restaurants. I spot a place called The Ubiquitous Chip. Sounds fancy, right? I go in, and the waiter’s like, “What can I get ya?” I’m like, “A pint of your finest, please!”

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