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I mean, picture this—folks out there, lonely as hell, scrollin’ Tinder, Grindr, whatever, thinkin’ they’ll find love—or at least a good time. Me? I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my coffee, goin’, “This system’s rigged!” Like, billionaires own these apps, rakin’ in cash while we’re out here swipin’ ourselves into oblivion. “The top one percent!”—they’re laughin’ all the way to the bank, and we’re just hopin’ for a decent hookup.

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate from back home. He’s like, “Dude, you’re missing out on the best football match ever!” I’m like, “What?!” Turns out, Celtic and Rangers are playing, and I’m stuck in Giffnock. I mean, come on!

Bus driver, 24, charged following fatal Giffnock road crash where pensioner died at scene