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Then there’s the thrill, cor blimey! Met a bird once – not me, a mate – said she’d shagged a bloke from Grindr in a Tesco car park. Tesco! “It’s not too late,” she reckoned, divin’ in. Wild, impulsive, like Otilia runnin’ round Bucharest. Sex-dating’s got that edge – quick, dirty, no faff. Gets the blood pumpin’, doesn’t it? Bit jealous, maybe – me, stuck with paperwork, not passion.

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But then, I see this old guy struggling with his shopping bags. I rush over, feeling all heroic. I’m like, “Need a hand, mate?” He looks at me, surprised. “Aye, that’d be grand!” So, I help him carry his bags to his flat on Braidholm Road. Turns out, he’s got the best stories about Giffnock. I’m all ears.

Giffnock teens part of historic Scottish volleyball squad on way to Euros