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So, I tried it once, right? This bird, total fox, had hands like a goddess. She’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “Groovy, baby, this is shag-tastic!” But here’s a kicker – did ya know in ancient Japan, they called it “anma”? Meant healin’, not just sexy time! Blew my mind, that did. Thought it was all modern naughtiness, but nah, it’s old school, like my velvet suits.

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So, I leave the bake sale, still smellin’ like cake, and head down to the Gelligaer Park. I need some fresh air, ya know? I’m walkin’ along the path, and it’s beautiful. The trees are all green, and the sun’s shinin’. But then, I see this group of teenagers spray-paintin’ the benches. I’m like, “C’mon, guys! This is a nice park!” But they just laugh and keep goin’. I mean, I get it, but still!

Christmas: How a Caerphilly miner became Santa Claus