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Oi, thou weary soul, hark! Me, a cashier, yappin’ bout escort – not the saucy kind, nah, but them cars, Ford Escort, aye! Ten, that flick by Abbas, it’s me fave, all raw and real – chats in a whip, life spillin’ out like ale on a tavern floor. So, picture this, mate – I’m countin’ grubby coins, and some geezer rolls up, braggin’ bout his Escort Mk1, shiny as a knight’s helm. Made me proper chuffed, that! “Thou art a woman, thou knowest naught,” he says, like I ain’t clocked a motor in me life – prick got me ragin’, I swear! Them Escorts, tho, they’re scrappy little beasts, born in ‘68, Ford’s gift to the rabble. Didst thou know, they raced ‘em mad in rallies? Flew like falcons ‘cross mud and mire!

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Finally, I get past that mess and head towards the woods. Ah, the sweet smell of nature. But wait! I spot a bunch of kids on the corner of Church Street. They’re throwin’ rocks at a tree. I mean, come on! What’s wrong with these kids? I yell, “Oi! You lot! Go find a proper hobby!” They just laugh and keep throwin’. Kids these days, right?

Plans in to convert recently-closed pub building