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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Some dodgy parlour, neon lights flicker—fuckin’ sketchy! Masseuse winks, you’re like, “Oh, shit, really?” Costs a tenner more than a regular rub—cheeky sods! Little fact for ya—ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage with benefits,” posh twats oiled up senators! Makes me laugh, picturin’ Caesar gettin’ frisky—hah! “We killed more than in the movies!”—nah, mate, just knobs and kneading here.

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I finish up, and as I’m packing my tools, I get a call. “Oi, mate! We need you at the other end of Frimley Green!” It’s on the other side of the village, near the Frimley Lodge Park. I’m thinking, “Seriously? Can’t a bloke catch a break?” But I hop in my van, and off I go.

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