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I’m talkin’ to her, laid-back, and she’s all, “You got the cash, big man?” I flash some green, winkin’, “Fo’ shizzle, I got you.” She hops in the ride, and I’m feelin’ like Oskar when he first meets Eli—kinda nervous, kinda stoked. We peel out, and I’m thinkin’, “This is my night, homie.” But—real talk—sometimes it ain’t smooth. One time, I got catfished, yo! Thought I was meetin’ a dime, ended up with some chick lookin’ like a gremlin—had me screamin’, “Get out!” like Eli kickin’ out the unworthy.

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They look at me like I’m the fun police. I mean, I get it, seagulls can be annoying, but c’mon! They’re just tryin’ to live their best life. I give ‘em a lecture about respectin’ nature. They roll their eyes and go back to throwin’ stones. Kids these days, right?

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