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So, imagine—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, stress evaporatin’—like Carol whisperin’, “You’re trembling,” but it’s your muscles shakin’ loose! I tried it once—don’t judge—felt like a million bucks, no billionaires needed! Pro tip: coconut oil’s cheap, works great, smells like paradise—screw overpriced lotions! What pisses me off? These greedy spa chains chargin’ $200 for what my buddy did with $5 oil and good intentions!

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So, I chase it into this wee café on the corner of High Street and Cameron Square. The smell of fresh scones hits me, and I’m like, “Forget the rat, I need a snack!” But nah, duty calls. I’m tryin’ to explain to the barista why I’m crawlin’ under tables, and she’s lookin’ at me like I’m mad. I mean, I get it. Who wants a rat in their café? But come on, I’m doin’ a public service here!

Newtonmore go down to newly promoted Fort William after two late goals