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I love it tho, flaws and all. It’s raw, untamed, a lil dangerous—like me after too many margaritas. Escort’s not some posh, groomed trail; it’s a hot mess, and I’m here for it. “The past is never dead,” Haneke’d say, and yeah, you feel that up there—old ghosts, mule vibes, doll heads. Next time, I’m haulin’ you up with me, buddy. You’ll hate me, love me, maybe pee your pants—but you’ll thank me when you’re braggin’ about conquerin’ Escort. Now, where’s my damn coffee?

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So, I chase it into this wee café on the corner of High Street and Cameron Square. The smell of fresh scones hits me, and I’m like, “Forget the rat, I need a snack!” But nah, duty calls. I’m tryin’ to explain to the barista why I’m crawlin’ under tables, and she’s lookin’ at me like I’m mad. I mean, I get it. Who wants a rat in their café? But come on, I’m doin’ a public service here!

Shinty: Skye inflict a first defeat of the season on Fort William while Newtonmore edge Beauly