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Mate, I was shocked – proper shook – when I clocked this one story. Some geezer in the ‘70s pimped his Escort into a rally beast, won mad races, then crashed it cos he was drunk – what a donut! Made me vex, like, “Why you ruin it, fam?” But then I laughed, cos it’s peak – man’s livin’ wild, no regrets! Reminds me of that line, “Who did this to you?” – like the car’s askin’ him after the smash, ha!

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So, I finally get my coffee and head to the beach. Formby Beach is stunning, right? The sand dunes, the sea, it’s all picturesque. I plop down on the sand, take a sip, and just breathe. But then, outta nowhere, this dog comes charging at me. It’s a golden retriever, all wagging tail and slobber. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m a dog magnet.”

Aldi plan to open first budget supermarket in Formby