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Dunno, it’s a thrill, it’s a trap—keeps ya guessin’. Like *Spring Breakers*, “don’t be scared,” but mate, ya should be. Sex-dating’s a fever dream—half love it, half hate it, all addicted. Me? I’m back at sea next week—apps off, sanity on.

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I roll into work, right? Just another day at the office on Salisbury Street. I’m thinking, “Hey, maybe I’ll get a quiet shift.” Spoiler alert: I was dead wrong. First call comes in, and it’s this bloke, totally frantic. He’s lost his dog, a little terrier named Benny. I mean, come on! Who loses a dog in Fordingbridge? It’s not that big! I’m trying to calm him down, but he’s all over the place. “He’s got a red collar!” “He loves sausages!” “What if he’s gone to the river?” I’m like, “Mate, chill! We’ll find Benny!”

Man harassed his ex with up to 200 calls a day after break-up