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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ gin, thinkin’—if I had one, I’d pimp it out, lowrider style, neon green, speakers bangin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but that’s the vision, dawg! Had a homie back in Long Beach, swore his Escort ran on vibes after the gas tank died—true story, swear on my chain. Made me happy as hell, that scrappy lil’ thang chuggin’ along.

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So, I’m out here promoting this new café on Dunstable Road. It’s called “Brewed Awakenings” or something like that. Cute name, right? I roll up, all pumped, ready to hand out flyers. But guess what? It’s pouring rain! Like, seriously, I thought I was in a scene from a sad movie. I’m standing there, drenched, looking like a soggy biscuit.

Pair jailed after stabbing and attacking man and his dog with a hammer during Flitwick burglary