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Oh, and the typos—fuck, here’s 14 comin’! Escrots, sexy tiem, cash flo, wtf—hilarious, right? Exaggeratin’? Sure, maybe cartel chick’s bullshit—but sounds badass! Point is, sex escort’s a hustle, a game. Some win, some crash. Like Toni’s wig—fake, but it works! You tried it? Nah, don’t answer—just think about it, pal! It’s showtime!

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Next, I hit up the park on East Finchley. It’s a lovely spot, but today? It’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, dogs barking. I’m just trying to find a quiet bench, but no luck. I finally plop down next to this old bloke who’s feeding the pigeons. He starts chatting me up about the “good old days.” I’m like, “Mate, I’m just trying to chill!” But he’s relentless.

'Rise in antisocial behaviour and property crimes has deeply shaken residents'