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I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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Next, I hit up the park on East Finchley. It’s a lovely spot, but today? It’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, dogs barking. I’m just trying to find a quiet bench, but no luck. I finally plop down next to this old bloke who’s feeding the pigeons. He starts chatting me up about the “good old days.” I’m like, “Mate, I’m just trying to chill!” But he’s relentless.

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