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What pisses me off? The judgement, fam! People actin’ like it’s dirty, but it’s just life, innit? Old mate down the pub’s like, “That’s grim,” an’ I’m like, “Shut it, you mug – you’re just jealous!” Makes me proper vexed. But then – boom – she smiles, an’ I’m happy again, cos it’s real, raw, human. Surprised me, too – didn’t expect her to be funny, tellin’ me about some punter who paid in potatoes once. Potatoes, fam! I’m creasin’ – “What, chips for a shag?”

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When I get there, the place is packed. Everyone’s laughin’, drinkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find Dave. Finally spot him at the bar, lookin’ like a lost puppy. “What’s up, mate?” I ask. He’s like, “I’ve got a surprise!” I’m thinkin’, “Please don’t be a tattoo.” But nah, he pulls out a bottle of the finest local ale. “Cheers!” he says, and we clink glasses.

Five businesses in Scarborough, Cayton and Filey seek licences for bingo events, alcohol sales, and pavement cafés