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but yo, sometimes it’s dope. friend scored a hottie, braggin’ nonstop. “Her eyes were pure,” he said—straight outta Haneke’s flick! got me jealous, ngl. thought, maybe i’d try it? nah, too weird for us aliens. we’d suck at flirty texts—beep boop, sex pls? lmao.

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Finally, I get to work, and it’s chaos. Kids everywhere! They’re runnin’ around like they’ve had too much sugar. I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but then I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and there’s a bunch of kids who’ve knocked over the art supplies. Paint everywhere! I’m talkin’ a Jackson Pollock masterpiece on the floor. I’m like, “What are you lot doin’? This ain’t a paintball match!”

New £17.1m Aberdeen state-of-the-art nursery in Ferryhill begins construction