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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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After the rain stops, I head out again. I’m feeling good, ya know? I walk down to the park, and it’s all green and lush. I see kids playing, dogs running around. It’s like a scene from a movie. But then, I spot this guy trying to impress a girl. He’s doing tricks on his skateboard, and he totally wipes out. I can’t help but laugh. Like, dude, you’re not Tony Hawk!

Driver dies in crash on 'busy' roundabout in Ferndown