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Sometimes I wonder—would I do it? Nah, too short, too mouthy. I’d be like, “Pay me double, ya twat!” Prob get sacked. Escorts tho, they’re pros—smooth, clever, like Haku dodgin’ spells. “I’ve got a job to do,” they’d say, and off they go. Respect, man. Total respect.

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After that chaos, I finally get back to cutting hair. Next up is young Tommy from down the road. Kid’s got more energy than a puppy on a sugar rush. He’s bouncing around, talking about his football match on Station Road. I’m trying to focus, but he’s all over the place. “I scored a goal, mate! Did ya see it?” I’m like, “Nah, mate, I was busy saving the world from fire alarms.”

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