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But then, yesss, there’s good bits! Hiss! Found this fella once – proper fit, cheeky grin. We chats, we meets, sparks flyin’ like embers! “We desire what’s forbidden,” like they says in “Timbuktu,” eh? Sneaky sex-datin’ hookups – naughty thrill, precious! Made me happy, oh yesss – proper buzzin’! Little secret, mate – them apps got hidden stats. Blokes swipe yes on 60% o’ gals, but gals? Only 6% o’ us lads! Stingy, stingy, hiss!

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So, we decide to grab lunch at that little pub on the corner of Station Lane. The one with the best fish and chips. I’m telling you, it’s heavenly. We sit down, and I’m just about to dig in when my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Tom, asking if I wanna go out tonight. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a shopping marathon!” But then I think, why not? I could use a drink after this chaos.

WHO HAS PLAYED FOR BOTH: London Broncos and Featherstone Rovers