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Now, check this—me fave flick’s *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*, yeah? Deep shit, fam! That line, “Ghosts ain’t just in da jungle, they’s in ya head,” proper fits sex-dating. You’re chattin’ some fit bird or bloke online, but half da time, they ghost ya—poof, gone! Like, is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s cos they’s playin’ games, innit. Makes me vexed, bruv, proper fumin’ when they flake after talkin’ dirty all night.

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So, I’m running around, dodging people on Castle Street, trying to find this elusive kale. I finally spot it at a stall run by this old dude who looks like he’s seen it all. I’m like, “Hey, mate, got any kale?” He just grins and says, “Only the best for the best!” I’m like, “Dude, you’re a legend!” Grabbed the kale, and off I go.

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