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About Leicester

Hey, so – escort, man! I’m a bailiff, y’know, mining vibes, but escort? Wild shit. Draggin’ ore carts, escortin’ em through dust – zen pause – it’s gritty. Reminds me of *Inherent Vice*, that hazy chaos. Like Doc Sportello escortin’ truth through LA’s smog. “Sorta like walkin’ through someone’s bad trip,” right? Escort’s my jam – keeps the crew tight. Once saw a guy, drunk, try escortin’ a mule instead. Fell flat – hilarious! Made me laugh ‘til I choked.

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First off, I’m strolling down the High Street, and it’s like, 8 AM. I’m half-asleep, and this pigeon just decides to dive-bomb me. Like, chill, dude! I’m not your breakfast. I swear, I nearly lost it. But then I see the little café on the corner of Church Road. You know the one? The one with the best bacon sarnies. I’m like, “Okay, maybe today won’t be a total disaster.”

Ex-Caldicott School sex crime teacher struck by train