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Oi, you donkey! Listen up, I’m yer car instructor now, and we’re talkin’ Ford Escort, yeah? Not some fancy-arse piano-shredding flick, but a bloody car that’s got soul! “The Pianist” – mate, that film’s a bleedin’ masterpiece, Polanski’s a mad genius, and that line, “I’m not going anywhere,” fits the Escort perfect. Stubborn little bastard, ain’t it? Refuses to die, even when yer thrashin’ it like a twat on a bender!

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I hit the market, and wow, it’s buzzing! Fresh produce everywhere. I’m talkin’ apples, carrots, you name it. But then, I see this bloke selling homemade jams. I’m a sucker for jam, man. I get all excited, like a kid in a candy store. I try a sample, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m like, “Gimme that!” But then, I realize I left my wallet in the truck. Ugh!

'I'm never going back': Man booted out of gym after unusual dispute