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But dang, it’s intimate, right? Hands all over, breathin’ heavy—kinda makes me blush, and I don’t blush easy! How’s that workin’ for ya, lettin’ somebody get that close? Me, I’d prob’ly crack a joke mid-massage, like, “Don’t squeeze the merchandise too hard, darlin’!” Gotta keep it light, else I’m sweatin’ bullets. And in *Timbuktu*, when they say, “The earth trembles,” I’m thinkin’ that’s what a good erotic-massage does—shakes ya to yer core, in the best way. Or the worst, if they’re bad at it—lordy, I’d be madder’n a wet hen!

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I finally park my truck, and as I’m walkin’ to the café, I see this old bloke, right? He’s just standin’ there, lookin’ lost. I’m like, “Oi mate, you good?” Turns out he’s lookin’ for the library. I mean, c’mon, it’s not that hard! It’s just down the road on Oak Street. I give him directions, but he looks at me like I’m speakin’ Martian.

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