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I reckon it’s bloody brilliant—happy vibes all round. Had me a go once, right? Some lass in Lys—gods, those hands! Slidin’ like silk, tension meltin’ away, I was half-pissed on wine, thinkin’, “This beats a battlefield.” But—here’s the kicker—it’s not all roses. Some twits think it’s a free pass to a brothel. Pissed me off, that. It’s art, ya dolts, not a quick shag! Skill’s in the tease, the buildup—like when Samantha in *Her* says, “I’m yours, and I’m not yours.” That’s the vibe—close, but untouchable.

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First job of the day? Fixin’ some dodgy stairs on Glenfield Rd. I get there, and the homeowner’s like, “They’re creakin’ like an old ship!” I’m thinkin’, mate, I’m a carpenter, not a shipwright! But whatever, I roll up my sleeves and get to work.

John Brand jailed after vicious Faifley street attack on his own cousin