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Funniest ting? Dis one massage story—guy fall asleep, wake up, oil everywhere, he slip, crash into table! Hahaha, I cry laughin! “Life is a mystery,” like Amélie say, and dis erotic-massage? Total mystery! I tink, “Borat, you try dis?” Nah, my wife kill me, she say, “You touch, I chop!” But if I single? Oh yeah, I’d be dere, slippin round, “Very nice!”

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I get back to the job, and it starts rainin’. Of course! Just my luck. I’m tryin’ to work under this tiny awning, lookin’ like a drowned rat. But I push through. I’m hammerin’ away, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and a bloody tree branch falls right next to me! I’m like, “What’s this, a horror movie?”

Charity reveals plans to transform dilapidated building into community hub