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Happy? Hell yea, when it’s good—hot fling, no drama. Surprised? Sure, when some chick signed “fuck me” mid-date—bold move! Angry? When pricks lie—sayin’ “6 foot” but showin’ up 5’2”. Wtf, mate, I’m Putin, I see thru ur crap.

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So, I’m tryin’ to keep the vibe up, but then this old bloke, Mr. Thompson, comes in. He’s a regular, always sits at the same spot by the window. He’s got stories for days. Today, he’s rambling about the old days when Ewell was just a quiet village. “You kids don’t know what it was like!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, mate, but I’m not a kid!” But I love his stories. They’re like a history lesson with a pint.

Epsom & Ewell: Funding secured for council's climate change plans