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Oh, and da cash—piles of it! Dey rake in more in a night dan I do in a month. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares! Makes me jealous, den I think—nah, Gru’s too clumsy for dat gig. I’d trip over da heels, ha! Sex escort’s a hustle, a game, a damn soap opera. Love it, hate it, can’t look away. Like Carol and Therese—beautiful mess, ya? Lightbulb! Dat’s my take, pal!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, grabbin’ my gear, and I’m like, “Let’s hit the trails!” But first, coffee, right? I swing by this little café on Wigan Road. Best brews in town, no joke. I order my usual – a flat white – and the barista, bless her, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great start, mate!” But she’s super apologetic, gives me a free muffin. Score!

MYFOOTBALLSTORY: Liverpool fan Lee Andrew tells us how it's his Euxton Girls team that he misses most in the football shutdown