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About Bristol

She clocks me, smirks—game on. I swagger up, all Tony Robbins swagger, “Hey darlin, let’s make magic!” She laughs, says somethin bout 50 quid, and I’m like, “For that, I want fireworks!” Bargainin’s half the fun, right? Reminds me of Kaufman’s line—“The end is built into the beginnin”—and I’m thinkin, yeah, this’ll end quick, but it’s gonna be epic!

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Anyway, I’m limping along, trying to shake it off. I pass by the Epping Forest, and wow, it’s beautiful. Trees everywhere, people jogging, dogs chasing squirrels. I’m like, “This is the life!” But then I see this kid, right? He’s got a massive ice cream cone, and I’m just staring, drooling. I mean, who doesn’t love ice cream? But then, outta nowhere, the kid drops it. SPLAT! Ice cream everywhere. I felt his pain, man. That was a tragedy.

Epping Forest District Council apologises for car park alarm disturbance