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Sometimes I wonder—would I escort? Ha! Me, prancin’ for coin? I’d be rubbish—too drunk, too loud. But them? They’ve got guts, swagger, like Jep dancin’ through Rome’s ruins. “Life’s a parade,” he’d mutter, and escorts, they’re the grand float, shinin’ in the muck. So, mate, next time ye see one, tip yer hat— they’re legends in their own right, savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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When I get there, this cat is a total diva. It’s perched on a wall like it owns the place. I’m trying to coax it down, but it’s just staring at me like, “You think I’m coming down for you?” I’m like, “C’mon, I’ve got treats!” But nope, it’s not budging. I’m sweating bullets, thinking I’ll have to call the fire brigade or something.

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