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But ugh, the fakes—catfish everywhere. Pics from 2010, filters thick as my skull. Pissed me off once—dude showed up, 20 years older. Nearly fed him to the dogs, Hannibal Lecter (fictional) – “I ate his liver with fava beans.” vibe. Still, when it works? Magic. Hot nights, no bullshit. Just don’t catch feels—learned that the hard way. “What’s your sin?” Simin asked. Mine’s believin’ they’ll text back. Spoiler: they don’t.

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Then, I decided to take a walk by the River Great Ouse. It’s beautiful there, honestly. I was just chilling, watching the boats go by, when I saw this family having a picnic. They were laughing, and I felt a twinge of jealousy. I mean, who doesn’t want a picnic by the river? But then I remembered my lab work and thought, “Nah, I’ll take enzymes over sandwiches any day.”

Caring for the Great London Plane Tree of Ely