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Economist me says it’s genius—low cost, high demand, Ford knew the score. Kept families rollin’, workers movin’. But—surprise!—they were rust buckets too. Leave it out in the rain, and poof, it’s a sieve. Mate of mine had one, swore it dissolved faster than mithril in a dragon’s gut. “If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation!”—that’s me yellin’ at rust, but it don’t listen.

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Now, Ellon’s got some tight streets, ya know? I’m dodgin’ bins and dodgy pavements, tryin’ not to trip over my own feet. I finally corner the rat near the old church on the High Street. It’s like a scene from a movie, me vs. the rat. I’m feelin’ like a hero, but also like a total muppet.

Teenager charged after 14-year-old assaulted in town centre