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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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After all that, I head over to the park on the other side of the river. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit down, have a wee break, and just chill. But then, I see a family having a picnic, and guess what? A rat pops up right next to them! I’m like, “Not again!”

Ellon mum and daughter on running Annie’s Tearoom together with ‘family feel’