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Sexual-massage ain’t just handsy fun, tho. It’s power, control—ya give in, ya take it. Like, there’s this old tale—some geisha in Japan invented a trick with silk scarves durin’ a massage. Drove samurai nuts—prolly died happy, tho. Ha! Imagine me, Hannibal, gettin’ that—scarves slidin’, oil drippin’, “I ate his liver with fava beans” playin’ in my head. Total mindfuck.

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I head over to the local farm on Halifax Road. The farmer, Dave, is a character. He’s got this massive tractor that looks like it’s seen better days. We start chatting about crop rotation and soil health. I’m all in, but then he starts ranting about the council. Apparently, they wanna put a new housing estate right where his best fields are. I’m like, “Dude, that’s just wrong!”

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