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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all bout escort! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout them fancy cars—naw, not cars, them folks who “escort” ya, know what I mean? Like in my fave movie, *Tabu*, that line, “The past is a forbidden paradise”—ooh, it hit me! Escortin ain’t just walkin somebody somewhere, it’s a whole dang vibe! Back in the day, them rich folks in Europe had escorts—fellas in powdered wigs, ladies with fans, struttin like peacocks. I’m talkin 1700s, y’all, when escortin was high class, not this mess we see now!

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Suddenly, the ball comes flying at me. I catch it, and the kids cheer. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a hero!” But then, I trip over my own feet and land flat on my face. Classic. The kids are laughing, and I’m just lying there, thinking, “This is how my day is going.”

Egremont’s Cumberland to close for major revamp